Kissing and Telling

I don't have any regrets in my life.  I consider mistakes to be life lessons.  Although, there are times when I don't regret something but I just feel like I'm betraying someone.  Like this...  My girlfriend and I have been dating a month and a half and we're pretty close.  Kissing is a normal part of our relationship, but not in public.  So when people ask about us like what we've done, it's not that I hate the question, it's that I feel like a douche because I don't like to be, and I don't think anyone likes to be, one of those guys who "kisses and tells."  If you tell anyone, you're only supposed to tell your closest friends, right?  Well there are like 6 people that I trust with my life.  Should I tell some of them? All of them??  Or maybe nobody???  My parents taught me to always be a gentlemen towards women and I try.  But if you have that many people in your life that are that good to you, is that always a good thing?  There needs to be a rulebook.

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Holding Back.

Last December I met who I thought was one of the most amazing guys that had even come into my life. We were introduced by a friend and we just really clicked. He was what seemed to be a great guy, but all that changed last summer. By the time summer came around we had been talking for 9 months and everything was perfect.  Well heres the twist. NOTHING IS PERFECT!  When summer came along he started hanging out with a new group of guys who are not the best people in the world. He started drinking, smoking etc. to be "cool" like them.  He went from this awesome guy who I loved to be with to some guy who I didn't even know anymore.  We were constantly fighting and we couldn't be with each other for more than an hour.  Things kept going downhill so we both decided it was best to end everything and just be friends. Well we all know what "lets just be friends" means. We didn't speak to each other for months we avoided each other as much as possible and couldn't even make eye contact.  After the months of avoiding each other passed he apologized for everything that he had ever done and asked for another chance. Well me being as dumb as I am accepted his apology and decided to give him another chance. Bad idea. He told me he was done with drinking and everything else that he had gotten himself into and that he was ready to pick up back where we left off make it work and get close to God again. This was all just an act that lasted for about two months. Once again things were back to the way they were before and we ended it again. This time we stayed friends and still hung out together. I know this is going to sound really dumb and all but to this day I'm still not over him. No matter how many times hes hurt me I still care so much about him. Since all this has happend  I have been holding myself back and I have missed out on some pretty great oppurtunities.  I guess since I have been hurt so many times by him I'm scared to start "talking" to another guy because I don't want to be hurt again. Stupid right?

Don't Tell Anyone, But....

How many times have you started a story with "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but...". If you aren't supposed to tell anyone, why are you? I've realized lately that I'm a big of a blabbermouth. Someone close to me tells me a secret, and I promise not to tell anyone. But then, about an hour later, I'm talking to someone who would want to know such news, and it slips. Of course, I feel bad afterwords, especially when the person who trusted me finds out that I betrayed them. Most secrets aren't life-changing, but being able to blab the small stuff is like a gateway for blabbing the stuff that really matters. Like, if a girl friend tells you she kinda likes a guy and tells you not to tell anyone, but then you tell that guy, you betray her trust. If you get accustomed to breaking the trust like that, and she has no one else to confide in when she has a real secret, like she had sex with someone or something like that, you probably won't be able to keep the secret.

This has come up with me recently. Joe has a super close group of friends (called the crew) who tell each other everything. Joe occasionally will tell me something that only the crew is supposed to know, and every now and then I accidentally let one of them slip. I always feel awful afterwards, especially when Joe confronts me in that passive-aggressive way (like "Hey, you kinda weren't supposed to tell anyone..."). Also, my group of girlfriends has recently gotten romantically entangled with the crew boys, and so I've been the middleman between them. I sometimes forget to consider the girls' feelings and tell the guys everything the girls say about them (which I know if they did that to me I would kill them). I've made a resolution to be a better secret-keeper, for the sake of my relationships. I don't want to be a person Joe or the crew or my girl friends can't trust. So, my mission is to keep my mouth shut. We'll see how it goes.
Love,
M

Christmahannukwanzakuh Wrap-Up

Happy Holidays from LemonAid!
Sorry we've been shady lately, everyone has been having their own adventures, hopefully producing many stories to tell! I spent the first week with my boyfriend and friends, having crazy good times. Then I had Christmas with my family and we went to Utah to ski until New Years Eve, when I came home. I've done a lot of thinking throughout this time, mostly about time and how much and little of it we have all at once.

I'm a senior, so I have 129 days left until I graduate. That may seem like a lot, but it really isn't. First semester flew by, and it's only going to get crazier from here. Spring semester for me means mock trial, all-region/all-state band, winter drumline, spring break, my 18th birthday(!), pageants, prom, AP tests, and GRADUATION. My only New Years resolution (I never keep them- but this one I can manage) is to experience EVERYTHING and make this the best five months of my life to date. I will keep my grades up and whatnot, but I want to have crazy adventures with Joe and with my friends and family. It's going to be awesome.

Joe and I are making a list of ridiculous things to do before I graduate and making videos of our adventures. It's going to be the best video-scrapbook this world has ever seen.

Joe and our friends are going to VAIL <3 for spring break, and I've already bought an awesome ski jacket and pants and matching hats for everyone. I'm not excited at all :]

Anyway, LemonAid is hoping to be super active this semester as well, keeping up with the blog as well as hosting a fashion show for Jonesboro's rising star (and our biffle) Carter Kidd. More ideas to come :]
Love,
This Girl.