Kissing and Telling

I don't have any regrets in my life.  I consider mistakes to be life lessons.  Although, there are times when I don't regret something but I just feel like I'm betraying someone.  Like this...  My girlfriend and I have been dating a month and a half and we're pretty close.  Kissing is a normal part of our relationship, but not in public.  So when people ask about us like what we've done, it's not that I hate the question, it's that I feel like a douche because I don't like to be, and I don't think anyone likes to be, one of those guys who "kisses and tells."  If you tell anyone, you're only supposed to tell your closest friends, right?  Well there are like 6 people that I trust with my life.  Should I tell some of them? All of them??  Or maybe nobody???  My parents taught me to always be a gentlemen towards women and I try.  But if you have that many people in your life that are that good to you, is that always a good thing?  There needs to be a rulebook.

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Holding Back.

Last December I met who I thought was one of the most amazing guys that had even come into my life. We were introduced by a friend and we just really clicked. He was what seemed to be a great guy, but all that changed last summer. By the time summer came around we had been talking for 9 months and everything was perfect.  Well heres the twist. NOTHING IS PERFECT!  When summer came along he started hanging out with a new group of guys who are not the best people in the world. He started drinking, smoking etc. to be "cool" like them.  He went from this awesome guy who I loved to be with to some guy who I didn't even know anymore.  We were constantly fighting and we couldn't be with each other for more than an hour.  Things kept going downhill so we both decided it was best to end everything and just be friends. Well we all know what "lets just be friends" means. We didn't speak to each other for months we avoided each other as much as possible and couldn't even make eye contact.  After the months of avoiding each other passed he apologized for everything that he had ever done and asked for another chance. Well me being as dumb as I am accepted his apology and decided to give him another chance. Bad idea. He told me he was done with drinking and everything else that he had gotten himself into and that he was ready to pick up back where we left off make it work and get close to God again. This was all just an act that lasted for about two months. Once again things were back to the way they were before and we ended it again. This time we stayed friends and still hung out together. I know this is going to sound really dumb and all but to this day I'm still not over him. No matter how many times hes hurt me I still care so much about him. Since all this has happend  I have been holding myself back and I have missed out on some pretty great oppurtunities.  I guess since I have been hurt so many times by him I'm scared to start "talking" to another guy because I don't want to be hurt again. Stupid right?

Don't Tell Anyone, But....

How many times have you started a story with "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but...". If you aren't supposed to tell anyone, why are you? I've realized lately that I'm a big of a blabbermouth. Someone close to me tells me a secret, and I promise not to tell anyone. But then, about an hour later, I'm talking to someone who would want to know such news, and it slips. Of course, I feel bad afterwords, especially when the person who trusted me finds out that I betrayed them. Most secrets aren't life-changing, but being able to blab the small stuff is like a gateway for blabbing the stuff that really matters. Like, if a girl friend tells you she kinda likes a guy and tells you not to tell anyone, but then you tell that guy, you betray her trust. If you get accustomed to breaking the trust like that, and she has no one else to confide in when she has a real secret, like she had sex with someone or something like that, you probably won't be able to keep the secret.

This has come up with me recently. Joe has a super close group of friends (called the crew) who tell each other everything. Joe occasionally will tell me something that only the crew is supposed to know, and every now and then I accidentally let one of them slip. I always feel awful afterwards, especially when Joe confronts me in that passive-aggressive way (like "Hey, you kinda weren't supposed to tell anyone..."). Also, my group of girlfriends has recently gotten romantically entangled with the crew boys, and so I've been the middleman between them. I sometimes forget to consider the girls' feelings and tell the guys everything the girls say about them (which I know if they did that to me I would kill them). I've made a resolution to be a better secret-keeper, for the sake of my relationships. I don't want to be a person Joe or the crew or my girl friends can't trust. So, my mission is to keep my mouth shut. We'll see how it goes.
Love,
M

Christmahannukwanzakuh Wrap-Up

Happy Holidays from LemonAid!
Sorry we've been shady lately, everyone has been having their own adventures, hopefully producing many stories to tell! I spent the first week with my boyfriend and friends, having crazy good times. Then I had Christmas with my family and we went to Utah to ski until New Years Eve, when I came home. I've done a lot of thinking throughout this time, mostly about time and how much and little of it we have all at once.

I'm a senior, so I have 129 days left until I graduate. That may seem like a lot, but it really isn't. First semester flew by, and it's only going to get crazier from here. Spring semester for me means mock trial, all-region/all-state band, winter drumline, spring break, my 18th birthday(!), pageants, prom, AP tests, and GRADUATION. My only New Years resolution (I never keep them- but this one I can manage) is to experience EVERYTHING and make this the best five months of my life to date. I will keep my grades up and whatnot, but I want to have crazy adventures with Joe and with my friends and family. It's going to be awesome.

Joe and I are making a list of ridiculous things to do before I graduate and making videos of our adventures. It's going to be the best video-scrapbook this world has ever seen.

Joe and our friends are going to VAIL <3 for spring break, and I've already bought an awesome ski jacket and pants and matching hats for everyone. I'm not excited at all :]

Anyway, LemonAid is hoping to be super active this semester as well, keeping up with the blog as well as hosting a fashion show for Jonesboro's rising star (and our biffle) Carter Kidd. More ideas to come :]
Love,
This Girl.

HELP!

Okay so here we go... This past weekend me and a few friends went to a bonfire that one of kids at our school was having. There was about five sober people there so it wasn't that great. My friend and I were walking around talking to everyone and I started talking to this one guy who I have had some sort of crush on for a little bit now. We talked for about twenty minutes and we really connected. My friends and I decided to leave since there was nothing eventful happening. We had just pulled out of the drive way to leave when I got a text from the guy that said "Hey!:)" we talked all night till about 3 a.m. until I fell asleep and the next morning he text me when he woke up and we talked all day. Things were going really smoothly and we were really getting along.  The next day was Monday and we say each other across the hall he decided to be cute and yell "HEY!" and smile really big. It was REALLY cute :D.. anyways we talked after school on Monday. So everything seems to be going really good. Right? Well thats the catch. You see this guy is really cute and sweet and all together he seems perfect. But there is this other guy who I have really like since last year. We have talked off and on a few times but it has never gone anywhere... I still have some feelings for him, but I honestly don't see it going anywhere. For some reason though I just can't let go because I feel like maybe one day it will go somewhere. Which is holding me back from having feeling for the other guy. So I guess you could say I'm really confused and I need help. Well you are right. I don't know what to do. The other night I cried over the guy who I still really like. First off I NEVER cry especially over a guy. It was really weird. I don't know what hit me, but I think over time I will get over it and maybe I will be able to have feelings for someone else. In the mean time I'm gonna try to talk to this other guy and maybe talking to him will help me get my mind off the other one. Who knows maybe something good will turn out of this. 

Just remember. Everything happens for a reason and god has a plan for everyone.

Update

Hey guys, welcome to our first international post :) Im in Germany, its late here but only the afternoon in Arkansas. Everyones asleep but me, and I felt like giving you guys an update on the situation with New Guy and my Ex-Boyfriend, because a lot has happened in the past few weeks!

New Guy and I are not Facebook official, but were a couple. I just feel like my relationship with Zach was so public that in addition to having to deal with the breakup on my terms, I had to deal with it on everyone elses, and I just dont want to have to deal with that again. I feel like the more people you bring into a relationship, the less true it becomes. I know this is strange coming from the girl who blogs her life story, but at least this is somewhat anonymous, and it serves a purpose other than to entertain.

ANYWAY. Hes incredible. I really feel lucky that such an incredible, good person landed in my life when I needed someone most. Hes thoughtful, and sweet, and does all the little things that could make a girl giggle for hours. Hes inexperienced as far as relationships are concerned, but hes not naive, and hes completely genuine. I feel like even if we were to break up, we would still be friends, and thats a very comforting feeling to have. You would think that I would be able to get over how incredibly beautiful he is, but I really am taken aback every time I see him. Its a sweet kind of surprise :)

His friends are great and Im worried that Im taking him away from them too much. Its hard to figure out how much is a good balance. Theres another thing to balance, in addition to friends and family. Boyfriends. Its tough. Hopefully this week hell have some time with them so that I can snuggle with him when he gets back for like a week straight. Thats all I want.

Weve talked about what well do when I go to college, if were still together, and its really not something I want to think about, but I think were just going to let this year be the best year ever and let what happens happen. You cant stretch your luck. I just want to have fun, live life, and be happy. Not too much to ask, right?

I talk to Zach once a week maybe. Funny how you always say youll stay friends, isnt it? I miss him as a person. I know hes doing what he wants to be doing though, and thats all that matters. I think hes happy. Im happy. It works out.

Crazy love,
Maja

Friends v Family: Finding the Balance

Lately I've gotten into the most amazing group of friends. They love each other. I love them. Secretly, they love me back :] They hang out a lot after school. Actually, they're rarely not together. I'm not really used to that, because I've always just had one boyfriend that took up my social time. Of course, now that I've finally had time for a healthy social life, I've seen my parents less and less and they've become more.. parenty. Whereas before we had more of a peaceful coexistance, now it's becoming more of a hierarchy. I have a curfew. My mom threatened to ground me, which is like, crazy. That never happens. It makes me feel bad for spending so much time with my friends. It's really becoming more and more difficult to balance friends and family, which I think is a problem a lot of people our age face.

So what do you do? I think the best way to make sure no one's feelings are hurt is to schedule nights ahead of time so you get a good balance of family and friends. Make a plan with your parents: Holidays are always family, friend's birthdays are always with friends. Have one night a week that you hang out with friends. For me, that's Wings on Wednesdays. My parents know not to expect me for dinner on Wednesdays, and their feelings don't get hurt. Sundays are always family days, so we go to church and eat and whatnot. I have youth on Sundays so I get to see my friends a little. Try to eat dinner at home as much as possible. It's the one time your family can sit down together and learn about each other that isn't forced. That way you can avoid awkward family activities. Being a senior has made me realize how precious time is. This is my last year with my parents, but also my last year with all my high school friends. It's so important to make both happy and not let anyone down. Be sure to take time for yourself too though, and that you spend your time with good people. Don't go to college saying you wish you'd spent more time with someone, or gotten to know someone better. Do it while you can, and enjoy every second. You won't regret good times, promise :]