Just remember. Everything happens for a reason and god has a plan for everyone.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
HELP!
Okay so here we go... This past weekend me and a few friends went to a bonfire that one of kids at our school was having. There was about five sober people there so it wasn't that great. My friend and I were walking around talking to everyone and I started talking to this one guy who I have had some sort of crush on for a little bit now. We talked for about twenty minutes and we really connected. My friends and I decided to leave since there was nothing eventful happening. We had just pulled out of the drive way to leave when I got a text from the guy that said "Hey!:)" we talked all night till about 3 a.m. until I fell asleep and the next morning he text me when he woke up and we talked all day. Things were going really smoothly and we were really getting along. The next day was Monday and we say each other across the hall he decided to be cute and yell "HEY!" and smile really big. It was REALLY cute :D.. anyways we talked after school on Monday. So everything seems to be going really good. Right? Well thats the catch. You see this guy is really cute and sweet and all together he seems perfect. But there is this other guy who I have really like since last year. We have talked off and on a few times but it has never gone anywhere... I still have some feelings for him, but I honestly don't see it going anywhere. For some reason though I just can't let go because I feel like maybe one day it will go somewhere. Which is holding me back from having feeling for the other guy. So I guess you could say I'm really confused and I need help. Well you are right. I don't know what to do. The other night I cried over the guy who I still really like. First off I NEVER cry especially over a guy. It was really weird. I don't know what hit me, but I think over time I will get over it and maybe I will be able to have feelings for someone else. In the mean time I'm gonna try to talk to this other guy and maybe talking to him will help me get my mind off the other one. Who knows maybe something good will turn out of this.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Update
Hey guys, welcome to our first international post :) Im in Germany, its late here but only the afternoon in Arkansas. Everyones asleep but me, and I felt like giving you guys an update on the situation with New Guy and my Ex-Boyfriend, because a lot has happened in the past few weeks!
New Guy and I are not Facebook official, but were a couple. I just feel like my relationship with Zach was so public that in addition to having to deal with the breakup on my terms, I had to deal with it on everyone elses, and I just dont want to have to deal with that again. I feel like the more people you bring into a relationship, the less true it becomes. I know this is strange coming from the girl who blogs her life story, but at least this is somewhat anonymous, and it serves a purpose other than to entertain.
ANYWAY. Hes incredible. I really feel lucky that such an incredible, good person landed in my life when I needed someone most. Hes thoughtful, and sweet, and does all the little things that could make a girl giggle for hours. Hes inexperienced as far as relationships are concerned, but hes not naive, and hes completely genuine. I feel like even if we were to break up, we would still be friends, and thats a very comforting feeling to have. You would think that I would be able to get over how incredibly beautiful he is, but I really am taken aback every time I see him. Its a sweet kind of surprise :)
His friends are great and Im worried that Im taking him away from them too much. Its hard to figure out how much is a good balance. Theres another thing to balance, in addition to friends and family. Boyfriends. Its tough. Hopefully this week hell have some time with them so that I can snuggle with him when he gets back for like a week straight. Thats all I want.
Weve talked about what well do when I go to college, if were still together, and its really not something I want to think about, but I think were just going to let this year be the best year ever and let what happens happen. You cant stretch your luck. I just want to have fun, live life, and be happy. Not too much to ask, right?
I talk to Zach once a week maybe. Funny how you always say youll stay friends, isnt it? I miss him as a person. I know hes doing what he wants to be doing though, and thats all that matters. I think hes happy. Im happy. It works out.
Crazy love,
Maja
New Guy and I are not Facebook official, but were a couple. I just feel like my relationship with Zach was so public that in addition to having to deal with the breakup on my terms, I had to deal with it on everyone elses, and I just dont want to have to deal with that again. I feel like the more people you bring into a relationship, the less true it becomes. I know this is strange coming from the girl who blogs her life story, but at least this is somewhat anonymous, and it serves a purpose other than to entertain.
ANYWAY. Hes incredible. I really feel lucky that such an incredible, good person landed in my life when I needed someone most. Hes thoughtful, and sweet, and does all the little things that could make a girl giggle for hours. Hes inexperienced as far as relationships are concerned, but hes not naive, and hes completely genuine. I feel like even if we were to break up, we would still be friends, and thats a very comforting feeling to have. You would think that I would be able to get over how incredibly beautiful he is, but I really am taken aback every time I see him. Its a sweet kind of surprise :)
His friends are great and Im worried that Im taking him away from them too much. Its hard to figure out how much is a good balance. Theres another thing to balance, in addition to friends and family. Boyfriends. Its tough. Hopefully this week hell have some time with them so that I can snuggle with him when he gets back for like a week straight. Thats all I want.
Weve talked about what well do when I go to college, if were still together, and its really not something I want to think about, but I think were just going to let this year be the best year ever and let what happens happen. You cant stretch your luck. I just want to have fun, live life, and be happy. Not too much to ask, right?
I talk to Zach once a week maybe. Funny how you always say youll stay friends, isnt it? I miss him as a person. I know hes doing what he wants to be doing though, and thats all that matters. I think hes happy. Im happy. It works out.
Crazy love,
Maja
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Friends v Family: Finding the Balance
Lately I've gotten into the most amazing group of friends. They love each other. I love them. Secretly, they love me back :] They hang out a lot after school. Actually, they're rarely not together. I'm not really used to that, because I've always just had one boyfriend that took up my social time. Of course, now that I've finally had time for a healthy social life, I've seen my parents less and less and they've become more.. parenty. Whereas before we had more of a peaceful coexistance, now it's becoming more of a hierarchy. I have a curfew. My mom threatened to ground me, which is like, crazy. That never happens. It makes me feel bad for spending so much time with my friends. It's really becoming more and more difficult to balance friends and family, which I think is a problem a lot of people our age face.
So what do you do? I think the best way to make sure no one's feelings are hurt is to schedule nights ahead of time so you get a good balance of family and friends. Make a plan with your parents: Holidays are always family, friend's birthdays are always with friends. Have one night a week that you hang out with friends. For me, that's Wings on Wednesdays. My parents know not to expect me for dinner on Wednesdays, and their feelings don't get hurt. Sundays are always family days, so we go to church and eat and whatnot. I have youth on Sundays so I get to see my friends a little. Try to eat dinner at home as much as possible. It's the one time your family can sit down together and learn about each other that isn't forced. That way you can avoid awkward family activities. Being a senior has made me realize how precious time is. This is my last year with my parents, but also my last year with all my high school friends. It's so important to make both happy and not let anyone down. Be sure to take time for yourself too though, and that you spend your time with good people. Don't go to college saying you wish you'd spent more time with someone, or gotten to know someone better. Do it while you can, and enjoy every second. You won't regret good times, promise :]
So what do you do? I think the best way to make sure no one's feelings are hurt is to schedule nights ahead of time so you get a good balance of family and friends. Make a plan with your parents: Holidays are always family, friend's birthdays are always with friends. Have one night a week that you hang out with friends. For me, that's Wings on Wednesdays. My parents know not to expect me for dinner on Wednesdays, and their feelings don't get hurt. Sundays are always family days, so we go to church and eat and whatnot. I have youth on Sundays so I get to see my friends a little. Try to eat dinner at home as much as possible. It's the one time your family can sit down together and learn about each other that isn't forced. That way you can avoid awkward family activities. Being a senior has made me realize how precious time is. This is my last year with my parents, but also my last year with all my high school friends. It's so important to make both happy and not let anyone down. Be sure to take time for yourself too though, and that you spend your time with good people. Don't go to college saying you wish you'd spent more time with someone, or gotten to know someone better. Do it while you can, and enjoy every second. You won't regret good times, promise :]
My Friends
Its simple. My friends are amazing. NO words could describe how much I love them. There simply amazing.
Myself being a social guy, I have a ton of "friends". But I can honestly say, there are 4-6 of them I can trust with anything. I can tell them anything and they listen and understand. They are my bestfriends.
Before this year, I had a great friend.. He was kind of new, but by the end of 10th grade we were super close. I told him everything. He told me everything. As summer progressed our relationship as friends grew closer and closer. Then... He gets this girlfriend. Dont get me wrong, shes cool and cares for him deeply, but he started to drift away from me. And by 11th grade I dont even consider him a "good friend" of mine anymore.. This is why. He became clingy to this girl. He only wanted to spend time with her. I always tried to ask to hang out with him, but he always had an excuse to hang out with her.. Then my friend, this friend i loved, fell under the power of peer pressure. He started having sex with this girl.. I tried to tell him to do right not wrong, but it only ended up in bad words and bruises.. Then he tried cigerettes and cigars... and finally.. on to weed. I was absolutely devastated.. I want to help him.. But I dont know how.. He refuses.. Refuses to change. I now consider him.. A bad influence.
Now, one of my bestest friends, one that means so much to me, gets a girl.. And I was stoked for him!! He's kind of a shy guy, so him getting a girlfriend is perfect! Shes an amazing person and friend of mine, I love her! There always happy when there together and I know they are perfect for each other. But there is only one flaw.. He kind of left us.. Hes hanging lout with her so much, hes fading away from our group of friends. He told us to tell him when he starts to ditch us for her, but I dont want to be mean.. I think they are just hanging out so much because there kind of "new".. I hope thats why. I dont really want him to become super clingy to her, but if he does its okay.. Its his choice.
I just want all my friends back. Back to the old days were peer pressure didnt matter much. Were parties didnt happen.. Because I cant do much.. All i can do is sit back and watch. And hope.
WiZ..
Myself being a social guy, I have a ton of "friends". But I can honestly say, there are 4-6 of them I can trust with anything. I can tell them anything and they listen and understand. They are my bestfriends.
Before this year, I had a great friend.. He was kind of new, but by the end of 10th grade we were super close. I told him everything. He told me everything. As summer progressed our relationship as friends grew closer and closer. Then... He gets this girlfriend. Dont get me wrong, shes cool and cares for him deeply, but he started to drift away from me. And by 11th grade I dont even consider him a "good friend" of mine anymore.. This is why. He became clingy to this girl. He only wanted to spend time with her. I always tried to ask to hang out with him, but he always had an excuse to hang out with her.. Then my friend, this friend i loved, fell under the power of peer pressure. He started having sex with this girl.. I tried to tell him to do right not wrong, but it only ended up in bad words and bruises.. Then he tried cigerettes and cigars... and finally.. on to weed. I was absolutely devastated.. I want to help him.. But I dont know how.. He refuses.. Refuses to change. I now consider him.. A bad influence.
Now, one of my bestest friends, one that means so much to me, gets a girl.. And I was stoked for him!! He's kind of a shy guy, so him getting a girlfriend is perfect! Shes an amazing person and friend of mine, I love her! There always happy when there together and I know they are perfect for each other. But there is only one flaw.. He kind of left us.. Hes hanging lout with her so much, hes fading away from our group of friends. He told us to tell him when he starts to ditch us for her, but I dont want to be mean.. I think they are just hanging out so much because there kind of "new".. I hope thats why. I dont really want him to become super clingy to her, but if he does its okay.. Its his choice.
I just want all my friends back. Back to the old days were peer pressure didnt matter much. Were parties didnt happen.. Because I cant do much.. All i can do is sit back and watch. And hope.
WiZ..
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Breaking News
There have two situations recently that, as a friend, have put me in a bit of a pickle.
First: I have a best girl friend and a best guy friend. The girl has a boyfriend in college a few hours away. The guy is single. We've always been a trio, and he's kind of both of our husband. We fight like married people, we share money, etc. Anyway, since her boyfriend is in college and can't come home for every weekend, they've gone to a few dances together and the most recent one created a bit of a situation. All of a sudden, after nearly a decade of friendship, he likes her. Well actually, by the way he's been acting, you'd think he was about to propose. As both his and her best friend, this is super awkward. I know that she's not into him like that, and having been in a similar situation, I understand her frustration. She doesn't want to lead him on, so she's been acting especially harsh towards him. Maybe I should tell you what happened at the dance first:
They went out to eat. They danced. Closer, closer. Everybody wants somebody to get close to. He got confused. He got ideas. It happens. After the dance everyone came to my house to continue dancing. Sooo since she was afraid he was getting a little TOO into it, she started dancing with other people. He sat in the corner and moped. The night was great, but ended sourly. The next morning he texted me about how he couldn't take it anymore. See, they also work together (and have the same schedule). Awkward.
Anyway, he likes her now, and he doesn't know when to break it to her. I don't know if he's thinking that she will magically decide that she's in love with him and break up with her boyfriend of a year, or what, but I am stuck between them and I don't know what to do. She's not going to do anything but ignore him until he stops acting mopey. He's not going to stop acting mopey until... I don't know when. I just want them to stop. He's mopey. She's pissy. It's not working out. I want the trio back, but I'm afraid feelings are getting in the way of that. I halfway wish she liked him back, but that would ruin the trio too. See, if she and her boyfriend were to break up, it would be a very long time before she would be able to date anyone. I still am dealing with the effects of not finishing one thing and starting another. It makes you very unstable. But then again... I'm falling for him, and I don't see anything wrong with finally being happy again. He likes me too. It's working, somehow. I think we're the exception though. Most people can't put emotion away like I can. I guess I've felt too much in the past month to really tell how I feel about any one thing. I know I like New Guy. That's about it.
I'll tell about the next situation tomorrow.
First: I have a best girl friend and a best guy friend. The girl has a boyfriend in college a few hours away. The guy is single. We've always been a trio, and he's kind of both of our husband. We fight like married people, we share money, etc. Anyway, since her boyfriend is in college and can't come home for every weekend, they've gone to a few dances together and the most recent one created a bit of a situation. All of a sudden, after nearly a decade of friendship, he likes her. Well actually, by the way he's been acting, you'd think he was about to propose. As both his and her best friend, this is super awkward. I know that she's not into him like that, and having been in a similar situation, I understand her frustration. She doesn't want to lead him on, so she's been acting especially harsh towards him. Maybe I should tell you what happened at the dance first:
They went out to eat. They danced. Closer, closer. Everybody wants somebody to get close to. He got confused. He got ideas. It happens. After the dance everyone came to my house to continue dancing. Sooo since she was afraid he was getting a little TOO into it, she started dancing with other people. He sat in the corner and moped. The night was great, but ended sourly. The next morning he texted me about how he couldn't take it anymore. See, they also work together (and have the same schedule). Awkward.
Anyway, he likes her now, and he doesn't know when to break it to her. I don't know if he's thinking that she will magically decide that she's in love with him and break up with her boyfriend of a year, or what, but I am stuck between them and I don't know what to do. She's not going to do anything but ignore him until he stops acting mopey. He's not going to stop acting mopey until... I don't know when. I just want them to stop. He's mopey. She's pissy. It's not working out. I want the trio back, but I'm afraid feelings are getting in the way of that. I halfway wish she liked him back, but that would ruin the trio too. See, if she and her boyfriend were to break up, it would be a very long time before she would be able to date anyone. I still am dealing with the effects of not finishing one thing and starting another. It makes you very unstable. But then again... I'm falling for him, and I don't see anything wrong with finally being happy again. He likes me too. It's working, somehow. I think we're the exception though. Most people can't put emotion away like I can. I guess I've felt too much in the past month to really tell how I feel about any one thing. I know I like New Guy. That's about it.
I'll tell about the next situation tomorrow.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Sadie Hawkins
Tonight's Sadie Hawkins. I'm going with New Guy, and I'm pretty excited :] Neither of us knows what to wear. Our asst principal got on the intercom today saying we weren't allowed to dress like "something on the side of the road", so I guess my booty shorts are out! Some tips on keeping it classy in typically skanky situations...
Instead of the typical booty shorts, cowboy boots, long-sleeved plaid shirt tied up with nothing underneath thing (you'd freeze anyways), try these cute outfits:
1
A country inspired dress:
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=80&startValue=1&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=19429976&parentid=W_APP_DRESSES&sortProperties=+subCategoryPosition,+product.marketingPriority&navCount=81&navAction=jump&color=&pushId=W_APP_DRESSES&popId=WOMENS&prepushId=&selectedProductSize=
Simple tights:
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=80&startValue=1&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=15148893&parentid=W_ACC_LEGGINGSANDTIGHTS&sortProperties=+subCategoryPosition,+product.marketingPriority&navCount=810&navAction=poppushpush&color=&pushId=W_ACC_LEGGINGSANDTIGHTS&popId=WOMENS_ACCESSORIES&prepushId=&selectedProductSize=
And of course, cowboy boots:
http://www.dillards.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=301&langId=-1&storeId=301&productId=501687968&N=1000892+4000045&rr=false&splashlink=trend1111010&searchUrl=%2Fendeca%2FEndecaStartServlet%3FN%3D1000892%2B4000045%26rr%3Dfalse%26splashlink%3Dtrend1111010&R=02934135
2
Or you can do the shirt thing, but make it oversized and keep it down. To show just enough tummy, wear a short tank top underneath and keep the shirt unbuttoned:
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=19516210&navAction=jump&isProduct=true&parentid=MORE%20IDEAS&isProduct=true&cross-sell=true&guide-bn=true
Add some jean shorts, but wear tights underneath and wear your cowboy boots! Done.
3
I also kind like this look Miley did in some photo shoot. Instead of a racer jacket like hers though, try a cropped leather jacket to make it look tougher.
http://www.celebful.com/photos/miley-cyrus/miley-cyrus-11845-medium.jpg
Either way, have fun tonight and keep it classy!
Love,
M
Instead of the typical booty shorts, cowboy boots, long-sleeved plaid shirt tied up with nothing underneath thing (you'd freeze anyways), try these cute outfits:
1
A country inspired dress:
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=80&startValue=1&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=19429976&parentid=W_APP_DRESSES&sortProperties=+subCategoryPosition,+product.marketingPriority&navCount=81&navAction=jump&color=&pushId=W_APP_DRESSES&popId=WOMENS&prepushId=&selectedProductSize=
Simple tights:
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=80&startValue=1&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=15148893&parentid=W_ACC_LEGGINGSANDTIGHTS&sortProperties=+subCategoryPosition,+product.marketingPriority&navCount=810&navAction=poppushpush&color=&pushId=W_ACC_LEGGINGSANDTIGHTS&popId=WOMENS_ACCESSORIES&prepushId=&selectedProductSize=
And of course, cowboy boots:
http://www.dillards.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=301&langId=-1&storeId=301&productId=501687968&N=1000892+4000045&rr=false&splashlink=trend1111010&searchUrl=%2Fendeca%2FEndecaStartServlet%3FN%3D1000892%2B4000045%26rr%3Dfalse%26splashlink%3Dtrend1111010&R=02934135
2
Or you can do the shirt thing, but make it oversized and keep it down. To show just enough tummy, wear a short tank top underneath and keep the shirt unbuttoned:
http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=19516210&navAction=jump&isProduct=true&parentid=MORE%20IDEAS&isProduct=true&cross-sell=true&guide-bn=true
Add some jean shorts, but wear tights underneath and wear your cowboy boots! Done.
3
I also kind like this look Miley did in some photo shoot. Instead of a racer jacket like hers though, try a cropped leather jacket to make it look tougher.
http://www.celebful.com/photos/miley-cyrus/miley-cyrus-11845-medium.jpg
Either way, have fun tonight and keep it classy!
Love,
M
Change
Have you ever heard people say that " A persons true characteristics come out in high school?" Well as much as you don't want to believe them they are right.. Whether its changing in general or changing because they are in a relationship. It sucks. About a month ago my best guy friend lets call him Nick decided that he was "madly in love" with a girl who was 4 years younger than him. Don't get me wrong I wanted him to be happy and if that meant dating her then I was fine with that. They had been dating for about a week now and they "loved" each other. By this time he had stopped talking to all of his friends and the only person he talked to was her. He started getting back into drinking and drugs and doing stupid stuff to impress her. He is probably one the smartest people I know he graduated top of his class and scored a 33 the first time he took his ACT in the tenth grade. He once had a full ride to ASU and lost it because he had an addiction that he got control of and now it is back. He has now completely forgotten about all the friends he ever had and is completely wrapped up in this young childs life! People that were once his best friends are now completely out of his life and are lucky if they talk to him once a month. The people that he once told everything have been forgotten and the ones who just wanted to get drunk or high with him all the time have suddenly become his "best friends." He was once the guy I could go to for anything and always get the best advice and not have to worry about being judged about the situation. Now I'm lucky if I can have a two minute conversation with him about how he has been doing..
I guess I'm hoping that one of these days he will realize he is throwing away everything that he once had and everything that he could achieve if he would get out of all the drugs and alcohol, but as much as I hate to say this I don't think it will happen with her in the picture.
I guess I'm hoping that one of these days he will realize he is throwing away everything that he once had and everything that he could achieve if he would get out of all the drugs and alcohol, but as much as I hate to say this I don't think it will happen with her in the picture.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
New Taylor Swift Album
Everyone
just listen and learn. If you don't love her already... you'll end up crying cuddling up to your Taylor Swift Barbie. I promise.
Love,
M
just listen and learn. If you don't love her already... you'll end up crying cuddling up to your Taylor Swift Barbie. I promise.
Love,
M
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Unless You're Adam and Eve... There Really is No Need
I know this seems like my latest obsession, and honestly, it is. Who told everyone that having sex is no big deal? And why haven't they been stopped? People, we are in no desperate need to reproduce.. or grow up. There is appeal to sex, obviously. It was designed to be exhilerating and intimate and exciting. I went to a church camp two years ago and the guest speaker gave a talk that changed my entire perspective on this.
He explained it like this: There are several factors to a relationship: Spirtual, mental, emotional, friends, family, and yes, physical. I'll define each better below. Each factor is put on a scale from one to ten, based on intensity. For example, for spiritual, a 1 would be the fact that you and your boy are both Christians. A 5 would be going to the same youth group, and a 10 would be being each other's spiritual confidantes, praying together, and going to each other for spiritual advice. For physical, a 1 would be holding hands, a 5 would be heavy making out, and 10 would be having sex. In order for the relationship to be healthy, all the numbers need to be the same. If you're not even sure if your boy believes in God (0), and you're having sex (10), you're not off to a very good start.
So basically, if you're having sex, you should also:
Spiritual: Basically be the same person, hopefully be married, and trust in each other for everything spiritual
Mental: Have pretty dang similar academic ambitions, IQs, etc. If you're applying to Harvard, and he hasn't even thought about college yet, you'll always end up shorting yourself.
Emotional: There should be a ring involved, generally speaking. You should not only be on the same page, but the same paragraph as far as your relationship is concerned. You should be getting married if you aren't already.
Friends: Your best friends are his best friends. If you are this close, you should look for the same qualities in friends. Of course, sometimes personalities just don't match, but if you hate every one of them because they are disgusting pigs, you aren't ready.
Family: They don't have to invite him to Thanksgiving. He's bringing the turkey.
I'm just trying to get this whole morality thing straight. It's been driving me crazy lately. I feel like I'm becoming too parenty in these blogs, I just really want the madness to stop.
Love for real,
Maja
He explained it like this: There are several factors to a relationship: Spirtual, mental, emotional, friends, family, and yes, physical. I'll define each better below. Each factor is put on a scale from one to ten, based on intensity. For example, for spiritual, a 1 would be the fact that you and your boy are both Christians. A 5 would be going to the same youth group, and a 10 would be being each other's spiritual confidantes, praying together, and going to each other for spiritual advice. For physical, a 1 would be holding hands, a 5 would be heavy making out, and 10 would be having sex. In order for the relationship to be healthy, all the numbers need to be the same. If you're not even sure if your boy believes in God (0), and you're having sex (10), you're not off to a very good start.
So basically, if you're having sex, you should also:
Spiritual: Basically be the same person, hopefully be married, and trust in each other for everything spiritual
Mental: Have pretty dang similar academic ambitions, IQs, etc. If you're applying to Harvard, and he hasn't even thought about college yet, you'll always end up shorting yourself.
Emotional: There should be a ring involved, generally speaking. You should not only be on the same page, but the same paragraph as far as your relationship is concerned. You should be getting married if you aren't already.
Friends: Your best friends are his best friends. If you are this close, you should look for the same qualities in friends. Of course, sometimes personalities just don't match, but if you hate every one of them because they are disgusting pigs, you aren't ready.
Family: They don't have to invite him to Thanksgiving. He's bringing the turkey.
I'm just trying to get this whole morality thing straight. It's been driving me crazy lately. I feel like I'm becoming too parenty in these blogs, I just really want the madness to stop.
Love for real,
Maja
Monday, November 1, 2010
Friends, Lovers, or Nothing
It's come up recently that I cannot be friends with a guy without having had a crush on him first. This isn't breaking news, by any means. I was talking to New Guy about this, asking who he's had a crush on, and he said he's had a crush on anyone he's ever met. Makes sense, right? The newness and shinyness of a person may disappear immediately, or it may stay forever, or for a few months (typical high school shinyness, we kind of have ADD). Regardless, it's there. You want to impress everyone you meet; you flash your most colorful feathers and hope to get a second glance, just for the sake of boosting your ego for that moment.
However, most of the time new friendships with members of the opposite sex generate temporary flirting and/or crushes, until you get into the swing of friendship (and/or realize they have body odor... or a girlfriend). This is not a problem unless you a) are not ready/looking for a relationship b) are not actually that serious about liking this person, you're just kinda flirting, or c) you or the other person are already in a relationship.
Let's deal with the consequences of each separately:
a) You are not ready/looking for a relationship
- This is tricky. Say you're like me and just broke off ties with your boyfriend of a year. You need to give yourself time to grieve, whether you think you need it or not. Jumping into something new (i.e. my situation with new guy) will only leave you in twice the pickle as before- not only are you cutting off loose ends with your ex, but you are also learning to enjoy the company of someone else without feeling guilty. It's possible, but highly unlikely that a healthy new relationship will come out of this. The poor new guy is your rebound, and you may be looking at him through drunk goggles because of your vulnerable state. I know plenty of girls who have gone from ending bad relationships to starting worse new ones with guys who don't deserve them. Luckily my New Guy is not interested in a relationship as much as he is friendship for now, but I'm dreading the day that he decides he wants us to be official, and I'm still not ready.
b) You are not actually serious about liking this person, you're just flirting.
- This is what they call leading guys on, and is not good for anyone. Here's how it works: Girl meets boy. Boy becomes girl's "buddy", helps her with her homework or whatever. They hang out alone. Guy decides he's in love. Guy professes his love over text message. Girl feels extremely guilty, because she probably has a crush on some other taller, more muscular dude. Guy gets offended and does that puppy dog face at the girl for the next two years of high school. I'm ashamed to say how many times this has happened to me... Oops. Luckily the good ones and I have made amends and the bad ones (who were after one thing, as dads say), have buzzed off.
c) You are already in a relationship.
- If you feel your eyes wandering in a high school relationship, end it. It may be confusing for the other person, but it is not fair to them to be in a one-sided, uncommitted relationship. A relationship is based on commitment. We're in high school. We just learned how to spell commitment. Most people honestly can't handle it. In one way or another, most people will end up cheating. It could be late night texting, dancing, or actually making out with another person. If you feel guilty, you're cheating. Simple. New friends are dangerous. Sometimes you have to choose: Do you want the comfort and commitment of a relationship or the excitement and fun of being single? I know it's a tough question, and it's one everyone faces at one point or another. I think people should experience dating in high school, just for the exposure and to get some street smart. You will not be taken advantage of unless you don't know you're being taken advantage of, if that makes sense. But if you're the kind of person who lives for the chase, don't make promises to anyone, especially anyone who may fall for you (the friend type).
So even though I'm kind of a hypocrite here (New Guy started out as just a friend... Now we're holding hands in public and kissing every now and then [more on that later :]), try not to leading guys on, make them the rebound, or cheat on them. It makes everyone happier that way. :]
Love love love,
M
However, most of the time new friendships with members of the opposite sex generate temporary flirting and/or crushes, until you get into the swing of friendship (and/or realize they have body odor... or a girlfriend). This is not a problem unless you a) are not ready/looking for a relationship b) are not actually that serious about liking this person, you're just kinda flirting, or c) you or the other person are already in a relationship.
Let's deal with the consequences of each separately:
a) You are not ready/looking for a relationship
- This is tricky. Say you're like me and just broke off ties with your boyfriend of a year. You need to give yourself time to grieve, whether you think you need it or not. Jumping into something new (i.e. my situation with new guy) will only leave you in twice the pickle as before- not only are you cutting off loose ends with your ex, but you are also learning to enjoy the company of someone else without feeling guilty. It's possible, but highly unlikely that a healthy new relationship will come out of this. The poor new guy is your rebound, and you may be looking at him through drunk goggles because of your vulnerable state. I know plenty of girls who have gone from ending bad relationships to starting worse new ones with guys who don't deserve them. Luckily my New Guy is not interested in a relationship as much as he is friendship for now, but I'm dreading the day that he decides he wants us to be official, and I'm still not ready.
b) You are not actually serious about liking this person, you're just flirting.
- This is what they call leading guys on, and is not good for anyone. Here's how it works: Girl meets boy. Boy becomes girl's "buddy", helps her with her homework or whatever. They hang out alone. Guy decides he's in love. Guy professes his love over text message. Girl feels extremely guilty, because she probably has a crush on some other taller, more muscular dude. Guy gets offended and does that puppy dog face at the girl for the next two years of high school. I'm ashamed to say how many times this has happened to me... Oops. Luckily the good ones and I have made amends and the bad ones (who were after one thing, as dads say), have buzzed off.
c) You are already in a relationship.
- If you feel your eyes wandering in a high school relationship, end it. It may be confusing for the other person, but it is not fair to them to be in a one-sided, uncommitted relationship. A relationship is based on commitment. We're in high school. We just learned how to spell commitment. Most people honestly can't handle it. In one way or another, most people will end up cheating. It could be late night texting, dancing, or actually making out with another person. If you feel guilty, you're cheating. Simple. New friends are dangerous. Sometimes you have to choose: Do you want the comfort and commitment of a relationship or the excitement and fun of being single? I know it's a tough question, and it's one everyone faces at one point or another. I think people should experience dating in high school, just for the exposure and to get some street smart. You will not be taken advantage of unless you don't know you're being taken advantage of, if that makes sense. But if you're the kind of person who lives for the chase, don't make promises to anyone, especially anyone who may fall for you (the friend type).
So even though I'm kind of a hypocrite here (New Guy started out as just a friend... Now we're holding hands in public and kissing every now and then [more on that later :]), try not to leading guys on, make them the rebound, or cheat on them. It makes everyone happier that way. :]
Love love love,
M
Friday, October 29, 2010
Top Ten: Warning Signs for BAD GUYS
This is a compilation between a few of us, who have figured out time and time again that sometimes your knight in shining armor can end up being a loser in aluminum foil. They are not necessary in order, but keep your eyes peeled for all of them. Do not settle!
1) They talk bad about their parents- especially if you know their mother is a precious angel.
- Guys that don't respect their mother probably won't respect you. Everyone has their ups and downs with their parents, but you will know when they're just being difficult because they are bad people. Respect yo mama. She gave you life. And lunch money. And washes your clothes. And will wash your clothes when you come back from college. And will pay for your college. Respect yo mama.
2) They talk bad about other people- everyone.
- You never know what they'll say about you behind your back. Especially when you break up... Don't tell someone all your secrets if they can't keep anyone else's.
3) They have a security code for EVERYTHING on their phone- and turn their screen away from you when you're around.
- This means they have something to hide. Do you keep nudie pics on your phone in a secret file? Neither do I. Be suspicious. Some people are conservative. Some people are perverts. Know the difference.
4) Taking jokes too far- in a mean way.
- There's flirting and there's being a douche. Know the difference, get the respect you deserve.
5) They talk really bad about ex-girlfriends.
- You'll be one one day. Think about it!
6) You don't like their friends.
- If you feel uncomfortable with their friends, keep in mind that when you're not around, he's probably just like them. He shouldn't have to change around you, and you shouldn't have to change to fit in with them.
7) Bad hygiene.
- YOU DON'T WANT TO SNUGGLE WITH THAT! But you knew that.
8) One word messages.
- You think it's boring now? "K" is a letter, not a response.
9) If they say "I love you"... after a week.
- This means they're immature. Love means commitment, commitment might mean forever, you can't decide forever in seven days. Unless you're Romeo and Juliet... which you aren't. And they were delusional anyway. And look where it got them anyway!
Love (Really, I mean it- just not with these guys),
M
1) They talk bad about their parents- especially if you know their mother is a precious angel.
- Guys that don't respect their mother probably won't respect you. Everyone has their ups and downs with their parents, but you will know when they're just being difficult because they are bad people. Respect yo mama. She gave you life. And lunch money. And washes your clothes. And will wash your clothes when you come back from college. And will pay for your college. Respect yo mama.
2) They talk bad about other people- everyone.
- You never know what they'll say about you behind your back. Especially when you break up... Don't tell someone all your secrets if they can't keep anyone else's.
3) They have a security code for EVERYTHING on their phone- and turn their screen away from you when you're around.
- This means they have something to hide. Do you keep nudie pics on your phone in a secret file? Neither do I. Be suspicious. Some people are conservative. Some people are perverts. Know the difference.
4) Taking jokes too far- in a mean way.
- There's flirting and there's being a douche. Know the difference, get the respect you deserve.
5) They talk really bad about ex-girlfriends.
- You'll be one one day. Think about it!
6) You don't like their friends.
- If you feel uncomfortable with their friends, keep in mind that when you're not around, he's probably just like them. He shouldn't have to change around you, and you shouldn't have to change to fit in with them.
7) Bad hygiene.
- YOU DON'T WANT TO SNUGGLE WITH THAT! But you knew that.
8) One word messages.
- You think it's boring now? "K" is a letter, not a response.
9) If they say "I love you"... after a week.
- This means they're immature. Love means commitment, commitment might mean forever, you can't decide forever in seven days. Unless you're Romeo and Juliet... which you aren't. And they were delusional anyway. And look where it got them anyway!
Love (Really, I mean it- just not with these guys),
M
No No's for girls
Things that guys don't like or get annoyed with.
1) When the girl does not take the compliment.
--Many guys attempt to be nice to girls by complimenting them.. Well when you receive the compliment please take it.. Don't refuse it or get sad with it, its annoying.
2) Don't act stupid.
--Its really not cute or attractive when you act dumber than you are. Its okay to outsmart us..
3) **** BIGGIE **** Being Indecisive
--When we ask you, "where do you want to go eat?"or "what do you want to do?" don't answer with "idk, I don't care, Doesnt matter." We want your opinion on things!! We won't get mad at you?!
4) Thick make-up and "over tanning"
--Guys like the natural looks in a girls face. Don't pour on pounds of make-up OR spend all day in a tanning bed(leather couch) .. Its kinda gross.
5) UGGs.
--Don't over wear them. Use them sparingly and with good taste. They can be sloppy. BAD: UGGs with shorts. UGGs on Monday. UGGs with loose sweat pants.
6) Baby Voice.
--Not cute. Not cool.
7) Smoking and Drinking.
--Nuff said.
8) Understanding "guy time"
--You have to understand that guys enjoy chilling with their friends. We love to hang out with you, but sometimes.. we just need to sit back and chill.
Meet Our Male Editors - C@m3r0n and L0d3n
So we have decided to introduce you all to the male perspective.. Meet Camden (he made me spell his name stupidly), a junior at our school. You all know how we feel about boys, he's here to tell us what they think about us (well, not US specifically). Feel free to ask him questions.... He's here to tell you like it is.
Bios:
Camden is a junior at JHS. He has been dating a girl for four months plus tax. In a girl, Camden looks for intelligence, common sense, friendliness, and conversation. His girlfriend is all of those things, plus adorable and good-smelling. :]
Posts coming soon!
:]
Love,
M and Camden
Monday, October 25, 2010
Oh, Sophomores
So I decided to switch backpacks to keep things interesting, and made a few fascinating discoveries. First, a lot of really really old and nasty gum. Second, a RIDICULOUS note from my sophomore year, when I was dating a guy with more problems than perks (don't tell me that though). Let's call him F. F had had a reputation for being a serial dater, with a new girlfriend every two weeks. Turns out he had a rough history that made him desperate for affection, but he would never let that on. He was attractive enough to get these girls, and he was such a master at the game he played that he made every girl feel that she was finally what he had been looking for. Two weeks later, she graduated from the program, got a jacket, and joined the club: F's Exes.
Well of course, I was going to change him. Right, because I am Jesus. No. Bad idea. Funny thing is, after the first time he texted me, I laughed and thought to myself, "Bad idea." Funny how things work.
We actually passed the two week hump and dated for a seriously rocky four months. In a relationship like that, you're either on the verge of breaking up or on cloud nine. There's no in between, there's no peace, and there is definitely no security. A lot of times girls fall into being more and more vulnerable in order to keep the relationship there, as destructive as it is. You do more physically than you would care to later admit (i.e., the evolution of sexting). He makes you believe that he is the only one for you, and you will be worthless to anyone else. At the same time, he's such a charmer. He always knows what to say, because he's reading from a script he wrote, proof-read, re-wrote, and won an Oscar for. DON'T FALL FOR IT GIRLS.
This note was from one of those deliriously happy times (when you're so in denial that you're sure you're right this time and he meant what he said about forever). It was to my best friend K, who was in a very similar situation. Quote: "OMG I'm in love again. Everything that has been going wrong is going terribly right. We're finally the couple that makes single people gag again." Doesn't that sound stable?
Oh, sophomores.
Girls, keep your eyes peeled for the serial dater. Do not fall for it. Do not convince yourself you aren't falling for it and then fall for it. It will probably still happen, everyone has that one guy. But don't say I didn't warn you!
Love, love, love.
SWAM
Well of course, I was going to change him. Right, because I am Jesus. No. Bad idea. Funny thing is, after the first time he texted me, I laughed and thought to myself, "Bad idea." Funny how things work.
We actually passed the two week hump and dated for a seriously rocky four months. In a relationship like that, you're either on the verge of breaking up or on cloud nine. There's no in between, there's no peace, and there is definitely no security. A lot of times girls fall into being more and more vulnerable in order to keep the relationship there, as destructive as it is. You do more physically than you would care to later admit (i.e., the evolution of sexting). He makes you believe that he is the only one for you, and you will be worthless to anyone else. At the same time, he's such a charmer. He always knows what to say, because he's reading from a script he wrote, proof-read, re-wrote, and won an Oscar for. DON'T FALL FOR IT GIRLS.
This note was from one of those deliriously happy times (when you're so in denial that you're sure you're right this time and he meant what he said about forever). It was to my best friend K, who was in a very similar situation. Quote: "OMG I'm in love again. Everything that has been going wrong is going terribly right. We're finally the couple that makes single people gag again." Doesn't that sound stable?
Oh, sophomores.
Girls, keep your eyes peeled for the serial dater. Do not fall for it. Do not convince yourself you aren't falling for it and then fall for it. It will probably still happen, everyone has that one guy. But don't say I didn't warn you!
Love, love, love.
SWAM
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Gossip
I've come to find over the past few weeks that gossip has become an ever larger part of the lives of high school girls . No matter where you go or who you talk to there is almost always something said about another person.
My mom has always told me to believe only half of what I hear. I have found this to be very true. Most gossip you hear will either be completely untrue or twisted around. You will rarely come across a rumor that is one hundred percent truthful.
Also, be very selective who you tell your secrets to. Some people might not be as trustworthy as you may think. If you here a friend spilling about someone else's secrets, chances are they would spill about yours.
Rumors can aslo change your outlook on a friend. I used to have a close guy friend who was a strong Christian, super funny, and always a blast to be around. He had been homeschooled all his life but moved to public school for high school. Public high school totally changed him. He is the polar opposite of what he used to be. The friend I had who would text me if I had a depressing status now hardly ever talks to me. Rumors circle about him all the time. I never know what to believe. Now I can't even picture him being the guy he used to be.
So, moral of the story, love all, trust few, and do wrong to none. : ]
My mom has always told me to believe only half of what I hear. I have found this to be very true. Most gossip you hear will either be completely untrue or twisted around. You will rarely come across a rumor that is one hundred percent truthful.
Also, be very selective who you tell your secrets to. Some people might not be as trustworthy as you may think. If you here a friend spilling about someone else's secrets, chances are they would spill about yours.
Rumors can aslo change your outlook on a friend. I used to have a close guy friend who was a strong Christian, super funny, and always a blast to be around. He had been homeschooled all his life but moved to public school for high school. Public high school totally changed him. He is the polar opposite of what he used to be. The friend I had who would text me if I had a depressing status now hardly ever talks to me. Rumors circle about him all the time. I never know what to believe. Now I can't even picture him being the guy he used to be.
So, moral of the story, love all, trust few, and do wrong to none. : ]
To Heck with Tech
Boy meets Girl. Girl meets Boy. Boy likes Girl. Girl likes Boy. Boy "pokes", "likes", or plays Farmville with Girl. Girl "winks", "chats", or "comments" on Boy's profile. Bam. Boy is "In a relationship" with Girl. This is our society. Heavens.
A friend of mine once wrote on my wall. "Your beautiful." Aside from the grammatical error, the post was super sweet. It always makes a girl happy to hear she's pretty, right? What made me even happier? I got home later that day. Logged in to Facebook (probably the second or third time for that day.) Super excited to see the all familiar red indicator, obviously indicating that I had new notifications. "(Insert incredibly good looking boy's name here) liked your wall post." Praise Jesus. This boy "liked" the fact that my friend called me "beautiful." Cue the butterflies in stomach.
I then realized that technology is such a big part of relationships. While the "like" wasn't a big deal, it made it seem as though the "thing" between us was now even more legit. By him clicking one button on his keyboard? Goodness gracious. That was just something he did to be sweet. I will admit I thought it was wayyy cute.
Anywho. When I think about the impact technology will have on my kids, and their kids, and their kids, and their kids...it saddens me. Don't get me wrong, our society is blessed by advances in medicine because of technology. I just wish my life was a little more similar to June Cleaver's rather than Kim Kardashian's tweet.
As far as "incredibly good looking boy" goes, he writes letters too. So, he's got that going for him. :)
So next time you want to "chat" with someone, go grab their hand and take a walk with them instead. Just saying. ;)
A friend of mine once wrote on my wall. "Your beautiful." Aside from the grammatical error, the post was super sweet. It always makes a girl happy to hear she's pretty, right? What made me even happier? I got home later that day. Logged in to Facebook (probably the second or third time for that day.) Super excited to see the all familiar red indicator, obviously indicating that I had new notifications. "(Insert incredibly good looking boy's name here) liked your wall post." Praise Jesus. This boy "liked" the fact that my friend called me "beautiful." Cue the butterflies in stomach.
I then realized that technology is such a big part of relationships. While the "like" wasn't a big deal, it made it seem as though the "thing" between us was now even more legit. By him clicking one button on his keyboard? Goodness gracious. That was just something he did to be sweet. I will admit I thought it was wayyy cute.
Anywho. When I think about the impact technology will have on my kids, and their kids, and their kids, and their kids...it saddens me. Don't get me wrong, our society is blessed by advances in medicine because of technology. I just wish my life was a little more similar to June Cleaver's rather than Kim Kardashian's tweet.
As far as "incredibly good looking boy" goes, he writes letters too. So, he's got that going for him. :)
So next time you want to "chat" with someone, go grab their hand and take a walk with them instead. Just saying. ;)
Tangled Web Part 2
So, every week or so lately I have slapped myself for what I did the week before. Three weeks ago, I made Ex-Boyfriend (when he was still Boyfriend) guilty for not having time for me, when he was doing everything he could to be there for me without dropping out of college.
**Mistake 1:** I sent this text late at night (note girls: if you feel like you're about to start a fire with one text, give it a night to think it over): "I wish you had time for me." Next day we Skyped until we cried, talking about everything and how impossible it all seemed. Day after that was Homecoming, which we made it through. That night though, after the dance, we decided to take a break. The days following I was either wrapped in whatever I could find on my closet floor, crying, or throwing random punches in the air. We had lunch the day after we decided to break, and he kissed me like I hadn't been kissed in years. It was amazing. I had hope, actually, I knew that I wanted to wait for him forever. Thing is, I'm a teenager. Forever is impossible, nothing is forever. That's something that becomes more and more evident as life goes on (and yes, it does go on).
The days following my mourning period, I started talking to New Guy, and for that week it seriously seemed like I was okay and didn't need Ex-Boyfriend. Funny, funny. We were together for a year and he was my best friend. He still is, even though I haven't heard from him in days. I am already more involved with New Guy than I had ever planned. He's telling me he likes me, I'm telling him he's adorable, we're learning sign language so we can communicate across distances...
**Mistake 2** In my excitement and my fear of technically cheating on him, I hastily decided that I had to break off everything with Zach. I didn't think, I didn't even really give myself time to feel. I just called him, and he was the sweetest about it. He told me to do my own thing, to do what I want to do and be free as a bird. I knew he would understand, as my best friend and someone who I had shared soo much of my life with. But then, I made my mistake: I mentioned New Guy's name. All of a sudden, the entire tone of the conversation changed. He actually said, "If you want to cheat on- I mean, talk to other guys it's cool." Ouch. Then, he changed his profile pic on Facebook and made his status match his defiant tone. I forgot to respect him for that one second, I haven't heard from him in days. Sad part is, he's in town. :/
**Mistake 3** I did not even think I was out of a relationship with Boyfriend (remember, we were on break) before I decided that New Guy was going to save the day, or my life really. Relationships are like rivers, you have to let each run its course. I can't try to turn my relationship with Ex-Boyfriend into one with New Guy. One at a time, keeps sanity and respect in line. You don't want a jealous ex-boyfriend or cheated new guy on your hands. Give each wonderful guy the time and attention he deserves. Although New Guy is helping me deal with the break-up, at the same time he is not getting all of me and he probably never will. This period is critical for us to establish how we are going to be as an "us" (if we are to be an "us") and there's no room for Ex-Boyfriend in this relationship with New Guy, but at the same time with respect to Ex-Boyfriend I have to keep my cheesy Facebook wall posts to a minimum.
So, moral of the story: If you're going to make a rash decision, give it a night or two to mull it over. Talk to trusted friends. Save everyone the heartache. Also, respect yourself after a breakup: Although a new guy may seem like a good idea right after, you'll end up with three broken hearts on your hands instead of just two. Right now, I'm trying to get Ex-Boyfriend's friendship back while trying to keep New Guy from being too freaking adorable.
Oh PS- Cute Moment:
I told you we were learning sign language, today over the lunchroom New Guy signed, "Maja is my BFF." No big deal, no big deal. :]
**Mistake 1:** I sent this text late at night (note girls: if you feel like you're about to start a fire with one text, give it a night to think it over): "I wish you had time for me." Next day we Skyped until we cried, talking about everything and how impossible it all seemed. Day after that was Homecoming, which we made it through. That night though, after the dance, we decided to take a break. The days following I was either wrapped in whatever I could find on my closet floor, crying, or throwing random punches in the air. We had lunch the day after we decided to break, and he kissed me like I hadn't been kissed in years. It was amazing. I had hope, actually, I knew that I wanted to wait for him forever. Thing is, I'm a teenager. Forever is impossible, nothing is forever. That's something that becomes more and more evident as life goes on (and yes, it does go on).
The days following my mourning period, I started talking to New Guy, and for that week it seriously seemed like I was okay and didn't need Ex-Boyfriend. Funny, funny. We were together for a year and he was my best friend. He still is, even though I haven't heard from him in days. I am already more involved with New Guy than I had ever planned. He's telling me he likes me, I'm telling him he's adorable, we're learning sign language so we can communicate across distances...
**Mistake 2** In my excitement and my fear of technically cheating on him, I hastily decided that I had to break off everything with Zach. I didn't think, I didn't even really give myself time to feel. I just called him, and he was the sweetest about it. He told me to do my own thing, to do what I want to do and be free as a bird. I knew he would understand, as my best friend and someone who I had shared soo much of my life with. But then, I made my mistake: I mentioned New Guy's name. All of a sudden, the entire tone of the conversation changed. He actually said, "If you want to cheat on- I mean, talk to other guys it's cool." Ouch. Then, he changed his profile pic on Facebook and made his status match his defiant tone. I forgot to respect him for that one second, I haven't heard from him in days. Sad part is, he's in town. :/
**Mistake 3** I did not even think I was out of a relationship with Boyfriend (remember, we were on break) before I decided that New Guy was going to save the day, or my life really. Relationships are like rivers, you have to let each run its course. I can't try to turn my relationship with Ex-Boyfriend into one with New Guy. One at a time, keeps sanity and respect in line. You don't want a jealous ex-boyfriend or cheated new guy on your hands. Give each wonderful guy the time and attention he deserves. Although New Guy is helping me deal with the break-up, at the same time he is not getting all of me and he probably never will. This period is critical for us to establish how we are going to be as an "us" (if we are to be an "us") and there's no room for Ex-Boyfriend in this relationship with New Guy, but at the same time with respect to Ex-Boyfriend I have to keep my cheesy Facebook wall posts to a minimum.
So, moral of the story: If you're going to make a rash decision, give it a night or two to mull it over. Talk to trusted friends. Save everyone the heartache. Also, respect yourself after a breakup: Although a new guy may seem like a good idea right after, you'll end up with three broken hearts on your hands instead of just two. Right now, I'm trying to get Ex-Boyfriend's friendship back while trying to keep New Guy from being too freaking adorable.
Oh PS- Cute Moment:
I told you we were learning sign language, today over the lunchroom New Guy signed, "Maja is my BFF." No big deal, no big deal. :]
Monday, October 18, 2010
Tangled Web I'm Weaving
Hey guys,
I should probably fill you in on what has happened to let you know what is happening. Until recently, I was in a year-long relationship with a really incredible guy. We dated from Homecoming to Homecoming. We never fought, we never really disagreed, and we did everything together. He gave me a promise ring for my 17th birthday, and I was so positive we were going to get married that I ruled out any other option for my life. He is a year older than me, so we knew that eventually we would have to make a very big decision. He is an all-state saxophone player, and has always had the plan to become a professional jazz saxophonist. As much as we talked about him doing his thing and me cheering him on, I never realized that the day that he actually did not have time or energy for me would come. He applied to two prestigious music schools, Indiana University and University of Memphis. When he found out that he had not been accepted to Indiana, I was not relieved like you would have thought I would have been. I wanted him to go to Indiana and become famous as much as he did. Probably because then, after he achieved his dream we could get married and everything would be perfect. I knew it was a stretch, but I couldn't think of anything better.
He enrolled in University of Memphis, which is only an hour away. Relief. I did not even consider us having problems, or breaking up. Really, neither did any of our friends or family. Like I said, we never had problems. Everything was always perfect. Maybe that is why the distance was so hard. We went from seeing each other every day, knowing everything about everything about each other, to having to schedule Skype dates, call on schedule, and give each other space. I convinced myself that it was working because we both loved each other. However, as he got into more ensembles and made more friends and I started to live my own life it was becoming more and more evident that us staying happy and balanced was close to impossible. He would come home every other weekend or so, but we would miss each other so much that the weekend would have so much pressure on it, one of us always cracked. I would plan an elaborate surprise date and he would have made plans with family. He would want to sweep me away and I would have a band contest. The Thursday before he came home for Homecoming, we had a Skype date that lasted way into the morning hours. It wasn't working. We were both worn out. Out of respect for each other, it just had to end, break, something. We were going to be the end of each other's best years. So he came home Friday, and wanting to make the night as memorable as the one last year, he did everything he could to make everything seem okay. But you know how when you're so used to seeing a spark in someone's eyes, when it's not there the whole world seems dull? Slow-dancing was a slow torture. If he was going to do it, I wanted it to happen soon. We went to my house, we talked, he made my make-up all over his fancy white shirt. He cried. If you can help it, never see the guy you love cry. His voice got all squeaky and everything stopped mattering to me. I wanted him to be happy.
We decided to take a break, and pursue our own interests. Out of emotion, out of desperation I suppose, I kept telling him that I would wait, that I couldn't love anyone else or let go of him. That whole week I talked to him probably three times. He was fulfilling the contract, he was living his life. I was moping. I was around band kids that whole week though, and started talking really deeply to anyone who would listen. One of them kept listening. I would get deep, then he would, then I would. In a week he told me I knew more about him than his best friends. I can't decide if I'm into him because he listens, or if I'm into him because he tells me things. I know I see a bit of Zach in him, the good things. Innocent, moral, honest, deep. That's unfair to New Guy though, but of course God has put the most understanding male specimen in the world in my life right now. He's therapy, but he's more I think. Whenever I'm around him I accidentally stare at his lips a lot. Oops :] I don't want him to think he's rebound, but if he is it'll be a quick one. I'm moving on with my life in a healthier way. New Guy wants us to hang out with his friends a lot. My problem has always been giving one person everything. I want to be around good people and experience life outside of a scheduled plan. I don't want to think about marriage right now. Ex-Boyfriend (I hate saying that), let's call him Best Friend Still, has thrown a few Facebook punches but he has every right to. He knows all my secrets and he's been in my life to teach me so many lessons. New Guy has made the hardest moment in my life a smooth transition into something more refined and purposeful. I'm not getting married to a pro saxophonist. He'll prob still be one though. He'll marry some little Asian cello player. Rock on, Best Friend Still. Still love you.
Moral of the story: Just keep swimming. God will never put you into a situation you can't handle. I thought my world was ending. I'm 17. It's just beginning. :]
I should probably fill you in on what has happened to let you know what is happening. Until recently, I was in a year-long relationship with a really incredible guy. We dated from Homecoming to Homecoming. We never fought, we never really disagreed, and we did everything together. He gave me a promise ring for my 17th birthday, and I was so positive we were going to get married that I ruled out any other option for my life. He is a year older than me, so we knew that eventually we would have to make a very big decision. He is an all-state saxophone player, and has always had the plan to become a professional jazz saxophonist. As much as we talked about him doing his thing and me cheering him on, I never realized that the day that he actually did not have time or energy for me would come. He applied to two prestigious music schools, Indiana University and University of Memphis. When he found out that he had not been accepted to Indiana, I was not relieved like you would have thought I would have been. I wanted him to go to Indiana and become famous as much as he did. Probably because then, after he achieved his dream we could get married and everything would be perfect. I knew it was a stretch, but I couldn't think of anything better.
He enrolled in University of Memphis, which is only an hour away. Relief. I did not even consider us having problems, or breaking up. Really, neither did any of our friends or family. Like I said, we never had problems. Everything was always perfect. Maybe that is why the distance was so hard. We went from seeing each other every day, knowing everything about everything about each other, to having to schedule Skype dates, call on schedule, and give each other space. I convinced myself that it was working because we both loved each other. However, as he got into more ensembles and made more friends and I started to live my own life it was becoming more and more evident that us staying happy and balanced was close to impossible. He would come home every other weekend or so, but we would miss each other so much that the weekend would have so much pressure on it, one of us always cracked. I would plan an elaborate surprise date and he would have made plans with family. He would want to sweep me away and I would have a band contest. The Thursday before he came home for Homecoming, we had a Skype date that lasted way into the morning hours. It wasn't working. We were both worn out. Out of respect for each other, it just had to end, break, something. We were going to be the end of each other's best years. So he came home Friday, and wanting to make the night as memorable as the one last year, he did everything he could to make everything seem okay. But you know how when you're so used to seeing a spark in someone's eyes, when it's not there the whole world seems dull? Slow-dancing was a slow torture. If he was going to do it, I wanted it to happen soon. We went to my house, we talked, he made my make-up all over his fancy white shirt. He cried. If you can help it, never see the guy you love cry. His voice got all squeaky and everything stopped mattering to me. I wanted him to be happy.
We decided to take a break, and pursue our own interests. Out of emotion, out of desperation I suppose, I kept telling him that I would wait, that I couldn't love anyone else or let go of him. That whole week I talked to him probably three times. He was fulfilling the contract, he was living his life. I was moping. I was around band kids that whole week though, and started talking really deeply to anyone who would listen. One of them kept listening. I would get deep, then he would, then I would. In a week he told me I knew more about him than his best friends. I can't decide if I'm into him because he listens, or if I'm into him because he tells me things. I know I see a bit of Zach in him, the good things. Innocent, moral, honest, deep. That's unfair to New Guy though, but of course God has put the most understanding male specimen in the world in my life right now. He's therapy, but he's more I think. Whenever I'm around him I accidentally stare at his lips a lot. Oops :] I don't want him to think he's rebound, but if he is it'll be a quick one. I'm moving on with my life in a healthier way. New Guy wants us to hang out with his friends a lot. My problem has always been giving one person everything. I want to be around good people and experience life outside of a scheduled plan. I don't want to think about marriage right now. Ex-Boyfriend (I hate saying that), let's call him Best Friend Still, has thrown a few Facebook punches but he has every right to. He knows all my secrets and he's been in my life to teach me so many lessons. New Guy has made the hardest moment in my life a smooth transition into something more refined and purposeful. I'm not getting married to a pro saxophonist. He'll prob still be one though. He'll marry some little Asian cello player. Rock on, Best Friend Still. Still love you.
Moral of the story: Just keep swimming. God will never put you into a situation you can't handle. I thought my world was ending. I'm 17. It's just beginning. :]
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